Secret Historian

How do you not pick up a book subtitled "professor, tattoo artist, and sexual renegade"? I kind of want that on my tombstone (but I'll probably end up with "reader, eater of kettle corn, bad dancer").

Samuel Steward taught at a Catholic university, wrote gay pulp fiction, documented all of his sexual encounters, became a tattoo artist, and had "encounters" with Rock Hudson and Rudolph Valentino - AND MORE. And not in that order. His life was full of sadness and passion and craziness and sailor uniforms (so many sailor uniforms!). He had a tattoo of a winged penis on his shoulder. DUDE. Dude.

Do not read this book on public transportation, because you WILL get to the insert with the photos in the middle. Not safe for work or bus.

Samuel Steward aka Phil Sparrow aka Phil Andros - RIP. You crazy bitch.

4 gay sailors out of 5.

Life

I love Keith Richards. The man is basically a walking pickle, at this point. But that pickle has some great stories! I skipped some of the in-depth descriptions of chord progressions and musical arrangements - get to the scandals, Keef! Even the scandals were kind of sweet sounding when described in Keith's "aw shucks, I guess there was some heroin involved but man no one got hurt and, you know, it was the 70s, man" way.

4 bottles of Jack Daniels out of 5 - chased with a line of coke.

The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories

I love horror fiction (erm, as opposed to horror non-fiction? Like Glenn Beck books? Anyway...) but I have been derelict in my reading of the original "weird fiction" writer, HP Lovecraft. I knew as much about him as I knew about other famous HP's (HP Steak Sauce and HP Laptop That Always Overheats), so I decided to pick up this little collection. I enjoyed it - quaintly creepy (like Precious Moments figurines!) and with a lot of evocative descriptions of slimy drippy huge gross monstrous things.

Things to avoid in life, according to HP LC:
1. Musty odors. To survive in one of his stories, remember this helpful rule: If the odor is musty, your old timey bicycle best not be rusty! Because you should drive away thusly!
2. Odd geometry. If the structure be crazy, don't be lazy! Because you should get away, baby!
3. New England farmhouses. UNLESS you are antiquing. I have no rhyme for this. The rhymes were a mistake.

Three and a half extraneous "h"'s out of five.