UFOs

Oh. My. GOD. Let me just say that I believe everything I read, and am also easily frightened, so I should have not picked up this book. But I did, because I enjoy having thoughts like "Can't let my leg fall over the side of the bed because the ALIEN WILL GRAB IT!"

This book will tell you all about the hundreds of sightings by people who know the difference between the reflection of Venus/swamp gas/weather balloons/balloon boys, and actual crazy metal cigar-shaped light-up hyperfast hovering ALIEN SPACE CRAFT. Aiiieeeee they're here and they're going to probe us.

Does Obama know? Does FLOTUS know? Flotus save us! Dazzle the aliens with your sparkle converse and sick dance moves while Barack herds us into the secret bunkers under the Rocky Mountains!

4 tinfoil hats out of 5.

The Panic Hand

These stories - so great. So WEIRD. They zig and zag all over the place but you always end up somewhere awesome. The story "Friend's Best Man" won the World Fantasy Award and stars a dog that can predict the future. A magic dog! Look, I can't even go into all the details beyond the psychic dog, the story with God as a housekeeper, the imaginary friend who is alive...it's all good. Kelly Link and Aimee Bender owe some big debts to Carroll - if you enjoyed their short stories I would definitely pick this up if you can find a copy.

Friend's Best Man = 5 magic Jack Russell terriers out of 5.

The rest of the book = 3.5 raging World Fantasy Awards after-parties out of 5.

Oprah

Oprah A Biography by Kitty Kelley is heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere! A "friend" lent me this book in an effort to make me hate Oprah (I say "friend" because what kind of true friend would want you to hate Oprah?). BUT, here's my beef - yes, Oprah is a narcissist with delusions of grandeur (but she is kind of grand, so maybe it's not a delusion). HOWEVER, the stories that try to make you hate her are all like "I used to work for Oprah and, the nerve, she used to ask us what extravagant presents we wanted and then GIVE THEM TO US." What a narcissistic bitch. Oprah: Do you need a librarian? Call me. I'll organize all your back issues of O Magazine. I don't think it's weird that you're on the cover of every single one!*

This book could have used more Gayle & Stedman though. I think we all know that they're really the ones pulling the strings.

3 dates with Roger Ebert out of 5.

*Ok, it's a little weird.