SPEED ROUND: Dawn, The Nao of Brown, No Proper Lady, N0S4A2, The Shining, and The Collector

I'm still here! Don't you. Forget about me. Don't don't don't don't. Stuff your stockings with these lil' reviews.

Dawn by Octavia Butler. Original and thoughtful - if you enjoy your sci-fi devoid of laser guns, you might like it. In many ways it's a meditation on what makes us human. Is it our minds? Our genes? The presence of other humans? Also includes some freaky-deaky alien/human sex-like stuff, if that's your thing...yeah, we've ALL seen your browsing history! J'accuse! 3 gropey tentacles out of 5.

 

The Nao of Brown by Glyn Dillon. Another thoughtful one - a graphic novel focused on a young woman named Nao as she struggles with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and explores her Buddhist faith. It's so easy to rip through graphic novels in one sitting; this one made me slow down a bit. The artwork is gorgeous as well. 4 existential appliances out of 5.

No Proper Lady by Isabel Cooper. Thank you, beloved e-reader, for allowing me to read this without sharing that mortifying cover art to the world. Because girl needs a new tattoo artist and a better weave, mmakay? This one is fun, though slightly disorienting - you're about three sentences in before demons! Time travel! Spells! Just roll with it. It's basically the plot of Terminator but with more sexyness (I know, how is that even possible?! And yet). 3 terrible boardwalk henna tattoos out of 5.

N0S4A2 by Joe Hill. Vampires not included. But that's okay - I didn't enjoy this as much as Hill's other works but the creep factor was still out of control. No blood suckers needed. I felt it lost a little momentum, and could have used some editing; especially around the third act. But you will never look at Christmas or vintage gas masks the same way again. Joe Hill, must you creepify everything I hold dear?! 3 vanity license plates guaranteed to get you pulled over out of 5.

The Shining by Stephen King. Since I read Dr.Sleep I decided it was time for a re-read. What more is there to say about this gem - if you've only seen the movie you know NOTHING, Jon Snow. Not in any way my favorite King novel, but the ending especially is so different from Kubrick's film it's absolutely worth reading. Also you will FINALLY understand that creepy scene with the dude in the dog suit. Like his son (↑), King ruins so many wonderful things in his novels. Read this one if you want to be frightened of topiary animals and those concrete tube things at playgrounds. You should probably stay out of those tubes, anyway - you're a grown man, for God's sake! 4 drinks with Lloyd out of 5.

The Collector by John Fowles. If you only read one "Lady kidnapped and kept like a weird pet" novel this year....read another one! Probably Room by Emma Donoghue. This one is ostensibly a classic but it's so detailed and has all these meditations on class differences in Britain that go on, and on - you're the one who will end up feeling trapped! Ba-doom-pssh. 1.5 basement apartments out of 5.






More new reviews coming soon! Won't you buy someone a book this holiday season, and give a librarian their wings? That's right - we can fly. Deal with it. 

Brain on Fire

Susannah Cahalan woke up one day, felt a little weird. AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT. Seizures, aphasia, catatonia, aggression, paranoia. This book chronicles her “month of madness,” as teams of doctors tried to diagnose & treat her while her frantic family watched her become a stranger. Even knowing that she eventually recovered enough to write this book, it’s a really gripping story. It highlights the fuzzy boundaries between chronic mental illnesses and curable physical conditions, especially since most of the people with her condition do not get properly diagnosed and end up in psych wards. Or worse. It’s thought that some cases of “demon possession” are attributable to the illness, which usually affects young women. I know, strange symptoms being caused by a legitimate medical illness instead of an evil immortal ancient supernatural being (that for some reason thinks it can raise more hell in your puny human body) – it all seems so outlandish…but there it is.

And on that note, I had this Onion article sent to me while I was in the midst of this book, and it all felt a bit too close-to-home. Women + Noise Coming Out of Their Mouths = CRAZY has been a common theme throughout history I would love to see go away. Hysteria was originally defined as a condition that ONLY women suffered from: the word has its origins in the Greek word “hysterikos,” which means “of the womb, suffering in the womb.” Originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus.* Yeah – my womb is suffering all right – because I can’t complain or act nutty or get angry or have an opinion without some BRO-DAWG making a “time of the month” joke.  Susannah Cahalan had something physically wrong with her, but one of the first doctors she saw said she was just drinking too much (even though she told him otherwise) and was too stressed out. Women BE moody, am I right?!

In sum: brain inflammation is something we should all be afraid of.

4 out of 5 misogynistic Ancient Greeks.

*Bright side: this led to the invention of the vibrator as a way to “de-hysterize” us lady folk. TRUE FACTS.

The Age of Miracles

Sometimes I like to read the 1-star Amazon reviews given to the books I love.

"This book is too much like The Road."

Oh, okay, is this book too much like another GREAT BOOK? How *annoying* for you.

"It's depressing."

Um, yeah, the rotation of the earth has slowed and it's wreaking havoc on the earth and the main character is coming-of-age with a dysfunctional family during this tumultuous time. Sorry it wasn't enough like an ABC Family Movie starring Melissa Joan Hart, GOD GO BACK TO YOUR READER'S DIGEST.

"Sorely lacking in miracles."

Oh man - this person is going to be super angry when they read Life of Pi ("sorely lacking in mathematical constants"), Catcher in the Rye ("sorely lacking in hearty grains"), Trainspotting ("sorely lacking in looking at trains"), or any other book where the title is not a literal representation of the body of the book. I mean, is there even Twilight in Twilight? I don't know, and please - don't tell me. All I'm saying is, this person needs to check themselves.

I guess I am feeling a bit protective, because what is not to love about an actual original apocalyptic/disaster situation merged with a bittersweet coming of age tale? This book reminded me a lot of Meg Rosoff's great YA novel, How I Live Now. Growing up is such a terrifying ordeal in itself, so maybe seeing disasters and world-changing events through the eyes of tweens & teens somehow makes for a more interesting story: It's just one more shitty thing happening to them.

5 very confused migrating birds out of 5.

A Day No Pigs Would Die

This book is my personal no-cry challenge, and I fail every single time. It's about young Rob Peck saving a cow, getting a pig, and BECOMING A MAN. His dad is Haven Peck: the illest Shaker farmer/butcher in all of 1920s Vermont. Dear old Dad is illiterate, but that doesn't stop him from dropping mad knowledge bombs all over the place like steaming cow patties:

• "That's what being a man's all about, boy. It's just doing what has to be done." Haven, I'm all OVER this ish - you need a cow milked, I will milk that cow for you - or preferably whatever the urban equivalent is (latte run?).
• "Dying is a dirty business. Like being born." You're talking about poop, right? On second thought, let the details remain a mystery. Gross coming in, gross going out - got it.
• "Never miss a chance...to keep your mouth shut." Um, okay, this is good advice but I tend to favor the Real Housewives philosophy over the Shaker one in my own personal interactions: "She who out-yells everyone wins - but save some insults for the confessional." To each their own, Have. 

I'm sure you're intrigued already, and I haven't even mentioned the adorable pig named Pinky and the fact that uptight moms are constantly trying to have this book banned (banned books are the best books, obviously). Even if you're not into reading about porcine-boy friendships (WEIRDO), any time you need to feel again just grab a saline-stained copy and ride this novella to Tear Town, population: YOU. Better than a really good episode of Oprah, I promise you.

5 cow goiters out of 5 disgusting cow goiters. 

Bossypants

Do you want to know if your new lady acquaintance is a potential best friend? Ask her if she thinks she would be friends with Tina Fey, IRL.* If she responds with "Dude if Tina Fey knew me we'd totally be best friends!" then you know she is cool enough to maybe be your biff. Tina Fey: The New Litmus Test for Assessing Friendship Potential.

This book is so great. So great and funny. I especially enjoy the chapter on Tina's dad, Don Fey, who my grandfather would have probably wanted to be best friends with. SEE - it's genetic.

You know what's weird? I have a great for reals best friend and she kind of looks like Tina Fey. And she says Liz Lemon-y things like "I'm terrified that someone might be crying in the Starbucks I'm working in right now. ROBOT NO WANT EMOTION."

Life is great.

5 terrifying man arms out of 5.

*In Real Life. As opposed to fantasy life, where you are TF are already best friends who solve mysteries together and are heiresses to an ice cream fortune. And Amy Poehler is there too, naturally.