The Lies of Locke Lamora

You know those tumblrs that are mash-ups of Game of Thrones with lines from other TV shows? Arrested Westeros is obviously the best. Others are somehow less than the sum of their parts. This book is like if someone made an amazing Game of Thrones x Ocean's 11 tumblr (A Song of Heist & Fire? That's a freebie; go for it), but, surprise! the tumblr is actually a great fantasy novel with a terrible cover. As you can see.

But inside! You got your lovable band of con-men tricksters, your mysterious villains, your sexy shark-fighting ladies, your sky-high towers made of alien glass, and capers oh so many capers and cons and heists. It's so fun. It should be made into a movie, or, better yet, an HBO miniseries (so hot right now) so we can all spend more time with Locke Lamora and his lovable cabal of mischievous orphan tricksters, The Gentlemen Bastards. That last part sounds pretty cheesy but I promise you, no one breaks into song, and Scott Lynch throws in plenty of swear words and blood & guts.

The world-building is fantastic, just enough detail without overwhelming. I almost wished I knew more about the setting, a Venice-like city called Camorr full of alchemical gardens & floating markets. They have cinnamon lemons there - how good would cinnamon lemonade be? Hey, if there's a nerd out there reading this, please throw a Gentlemen Bastards party with themed food and invite me (I'm nerdy enough to attend, but not host, such gatherings).

Lynch also borrows from the George R.R. Martin school of fuckery and "things that cause readers to yell at your book" at a few points. A great book giveth, and a great book taketh away.

5 cool, refreshing glasses of nerd-brewed cinnamon lemonade out of 5.

Chrysalids

First of all, I chose to use this cover as illustration because, and I can't stress this enough, this book has nothing to do with human/praying mantis hybrids wearing fur ruffs and samurai armor, and brandishing spears. Not once does this happen. If there is a book about that, send it to me, because it sounds great. But it's not this book.

This book is about less-dramatic mutants (your six-toed individuals, your telepathic individuals...etc. Well, actually, that's pretty much it). Our telepathic friends are living in a post-,post-,post-apocalyptic USA, where deviation from the norm is not tolerated. I first read this book in high school, and with the wisdom I've accumulated since then I now see that they were trying to teach us a *very special* lesson about tolerance, conformity, and nuclear fallout.

But I have ALWAYS loved mutants, because my mom has two earlobes on one ear. So, thanks for wasting my time, high school English class.

To summarize, John Wyndham is great and you knew that since you read Day of the Triffids and realized that plants are plotting against us, and secretly that's the reason you eat salad, not to watch your weight like you tell everyone.

6 toes out of 5! Hmm, no, it's not that good. You could also mutate fewer appendages, couldn't you? 3 super-strong radiation enhanced super-toes out of 5.