Welcome to Night Vale

Let's call this the "See Jane Listen" edition of the blog. Welcome to Night Vale is a podcast, but it's produced by a publishing house, so technically we're all in the clear here.

I'm only a few episodes in to the twice-monthly podcast that started in June, so if it jumps the shark 20 eps in or is revealed to be another weird Kanye marketing tie-in, don't hold this review against me. But so far - I'm into it.

It's presented as broadcasts from the local radio station a not-so-sleepy small town. The creators have described Night Vale as "a little desert town where all the conspiracy theories are true." It doesn't seem to phase the voice of the program, Cecil, who describes community bake sales & strange glowing gas clouds that rain dead animals with equal aplomb and bemusement. He only seems to get flustered when talking about the mysterious scientist, Carlos, who arrives in town with perfect hair, weird instruments, and a tendency to say things like "there's no time!" before running away. I think someone has a crush!

It has some Buffy-esque humor to it, so maybe Night Vale's secret is that it's on top of another Hellmouth. Sunnydale - Night Vale - Sunnydale - Night Vale...hmm. Throw another one on the conspiracy pile!

4 mysterious hooded figures out of 5. Do not look at the mysterious hooded figures.

UPDATE as of 10.01.2013: I stopped listening. So downgrading to 2.5/5. It was fun while it lasted. Listening < Reading. I am curious though, did Cecil ever snag Carlos?!

American Vampire Vol. 1 & 2 - a Bloody Books Twofer

This graphic novel series is begging to be made into an HBO show. True Blood x Deadwood + Boardwalk Empire/Girls. Okay, maybe not that last one, unless vol. 3 is set in 21st century Brooklyn. Actually, how has no one done a hipster vampire show yet? That's my idea now, I call dibs.

Skinner Sweet is a wild west outlaw who becomes the 'American Vampire' - the first of a new breed, he can walk in the sunlight, and he sure as hell doesn't glitter when he does. Vampires have had a reputation problem over the past few years. Remember when they were scary? Before Twilight turned them into players in a weird pro-abstinence teen romance? This series goes a long way to undoing that damage and reclaiming the idea of a vampire as something terrifying & grotesque. No one is swooning over Skinner Sweet, I promise.*

4 super-sized orders of garlic bread out of 5.

*And if you read them and find that you are, you need to look at your life. Look at your choices! Girl. *smh*

A Dance with Dragons

Awwwwww yisss. I was 21 when A Feast for Crows came out, y'all. In a perfect world, I would have still been sleeping off my 21st birthday hangover when A Dance with Dragons was published. Instead I had to wait SIX GODDAMNED YEARS to figure out what the hell happened to Tyrion after he

*SPOILER ALERT*

Killed his own damn father with a crossbow to the gut. SIX YEARS of not knowing what kind of shit sandwich Jon Snow and Stannis were slapping together up on a wall of 700 motherfreaking feet of ICE. GODDAMN IT. SIX YEARS OF NO DRAGONS.

*Deep breath*

Ok, I'm over it. I respect the process. I realize this isn't so much a review as a nerdgasm word vomit rage cloud so let me throw out some key takeaways:

• You should probably start from the beginning and read Game of Thrones, immediately. THEN watch the HBO series. The HBO series is not a substitute for reading the first book. What is this, high school English?! Read first, enjoy Sean Bean later. Trust.
• This book has plenty of Tyrion being Tyrion, don't worry. I know, I told you not to watch the HBO show instead of reading, but all I see is Dinklage now when reading Tyrion's POV - and it's great. The world needs more Dinklage.
• The dragons have gone from adorable to scary - these are not your adorable neighborhood Pixar-like beasts. Plenty of face-melting going on.
• Daario is kind of annoying, no? Just me? I can't get behind a blue-haired sexy person - I am picturing him so emo. Maybe like a medieval Pete Wentz?
• The main point I took away from this part of the series is that being in charge kind of sucks. Undead foes can especially complicate things. Obama - take notes!
• If we have to wait 5+ years for the next book I will be very, very sad. If I can get knocked up, give birth, and have the kid potty-trained and talking before you write the next book - that's too long, George. That's not my plan, by the way - but the point still stands.
• If it doesn't have a map at the beginning, 25 pages of ridiculously complicated family trees at the end, and an entire WIKI to tide you over in between books; then, honey, it ain't an epic series.

4 deliciously armor-clad Sean Beans out of 5. FOR THOSE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOKS & SEEN THE SHOW THAT IS A CRAZY IRONIC SCORE.

Damn it, seriously - when is the next one coming out?