Jurassic Park & The Lost World: A Dinosaur Twofer

Jurassic Park might be the movie I have seen the most. I was 10 when it came out, and my dad took my brothers & me to see it and then hid in a bush on the way home and jumped out and scared us. Great parenting, Dad! Dr. Alan Grant was one of my first crushes (don’t panic, Indiana Jones-era Harrison Ford – you’ll always be #1. Apparently I like gruff older men who are frequently exasperated while wearing dusty fedoras....Paging Dr. Freud!). We got a VHS tape of the movie and played it every single day after school. My family quotes it constantly (Mom: “Finish your dinner.” Me: “Now you will eventually have DINOSAURS, on your dinosaur tour? Hmm?” Mom: *Cries silently and wonders where she went wrong*). I just had my bachelorette party and my bridesmaid designed Jurassic Park themed t-shirts for us all to wear, and, spoiler alert: my bridesmaids are going to walk down the aisle to the theme song (What? It’s PRETTY).

So when the movie was re-released in 3D IMAX, I was psyched to see it on the big screen again. It did not disappoint! Haters to the left. My mom says I read the book when it came out, which would have made me 7 (?!). Did I understand ANYTHING ABOUT IT? What a weird kid. Anyway, 20 years later, enthralled once again, I decided to re-read the book and the sequel, The Lost World.

Lessons learned:

• Movie Alan Grant is way better than book Alan Grant. Book Dr. Grant actually LIKES children. Terrible. 
• There's an awesome T.Rex river chase that never made it to the big screen - probably because actually seeing the T.Rex dog paddling makes it look cute instead of scary? Too bad.
• The book is less scary, though, overall. My theory is that dinosaur names are too nerdy on the page: "The dilophosaurus attacked!" Oooooh I'm sooooo scaaaaared. "The razor teeth terror beast attacked!" *shits pants, cries, puts book in freezer*
• In both the novel & the book, Ellie is the coolest and consistently shows the men in the room what the hell is up.  I want to be a paleobotanist!*
• The Lost World is pretty much just Jurassic Park, again, on a different island. NOT COMPLAINING.
• Michael Crichton can't write children - the ones in both books are one-dimensional plot devices. "Oh no we've lost little Billy! Time to move from plot point A to B!" And scene.

I am regretting reviewing these books. They're neither bad, nor good - they simply are (Jurassic Park). Okay, they're probably not great - but they are a million times better than anything Dan Brown ever wrote, paleontogists > symbologists 4EVA. 

Jurassic Park: 4 Dodgson's out of 5.

The Lost World: 3 Goldblum cackles out of 5.

*You're right - I just want to look good in short shorts. 

Brain on Fire

Susannah Cahalan woke up one day, felt a little weird. AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT. Seizures, aphasia, catatonia, aggression, paranoia. This book chronicles her “month of madness,” as teams of doctors tried to diagnose & treat her while her frantic family watched her become a stranger. Even knowing that she eventually recovered enough to write this book, it’s a really gripping story. It highlights the fuzzy boundaries between chronic mental illnesses and curable physical conditions, especially since most of the people with her condition do not get properly diagnosed and end up in psych wards. Or worse. It’s thought that some cases of “demon possession” are attributable to the illness, which usually affects young women. I know, strange symptoms being caused by a legitimate medical illness instead of an evil immortal ancient supernatural being (that for some reason thinks it can raise more hell in your puny human body) – it all seems so outlandish…but there it is.

And on that note, I had this Onion article sent to me while I was in the midst of this book, and it all felt a bit too close-to-home. Women + Noise Coming Out of Their Mouths = CRAZY has been a common theme throughout history I would love to see go away. Hysteria was originally defined as a condition that ONLY women suffered from: the word has its origins in the Greek word “hysterikos,” which means “of the womb, suffering in the womb.” Originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus.* Yeah – my womb is suffering all right – because I can’t complain or act nutty or get angry or have an opinion without some BRO-DAWG making a “time of the month” joke.  Susannah Cahalan had something physically wrong with her, but one of the first doctors she saw said she was just drinking too much (even though she told him otherwise) and was too stressed out. Women BE moody, am I right?!

In sum: brain inflammation is something we should all be afraid of.

4 out of 5 misogynistic Ancient Greeks.

*Bright side: this led to the invention of the vibrator as a way to “de-hysterize” us lady folk. TRUE FACTS.

The Psychopath Test

This book has many rabbit holes for you to fall down. Every other page I had to stop and Wikipedia some passing mention of a horrible crime, or odd footnote in history or culture that I'd never heard about. Oh, you would never read up about an awful crime/criminal on Wikipedia because you find it distasteful and don't want to know any of the terrifying details? Well, you are better than me. Also, why are you reading this blog? You got lost here on the way to cuteoverload.com, didn't you? It's okay. Shh, shh, stop crying.

Jon Ronson gets tasked with tracking down the creator of a mysterious handcrafted book, and that case leads him into an investigation of psychopathy - what it is, what it means, who defines it, and who might have it.

I dug this book, and have already started to tell some friends which of our OTHER friends are psychopaths. Yeah, I'm onto you. So it's great if you just want a new way to talk about people behind their backs. Endless fun!

If I am murdered, the list of my friends who I suspect to be emotionless killers is hidden in the lining of my tuxedo jacket - avenge my death!

4 shallow affects out of 5.

UFOs

Oh. My. GOD. Let me just say that I believe everything I read, and am also easily frightened, so I should have not picked up this book. But I did, because I enjoy having thoughts like "Can't let my leg fall over the side of the bed because the ALIEN WILL GRAB IT!"

This book will tell you all about the hundreds of sightings by people who know the difference between the reflection of Venus/swamp gas/weather balloons/balloon boys, and actual crazy metal cigar-shaped light-up hyperfast hovering ALIEN SPACE CRAFT. Aiiieeeee they're here and they're going to probe us.

Does Obama know? Does FLOTUS know? Flotus save us! Dazzle the aliens with your sparkle converse and sick dance moves while Barack herds us into the secret bunkers under the Rocky Mountains!

4 tinfoil hats out of 5.

The Emperor of All Maladies

Remember in Kindergarten Cop where Arnold says "It's not a too-mah!"? This book is a point-by-point rebuttal of that statement proving that, most likely, it is a tumor.

You'll learn a lot, you'll cry, you will not laugh, you'll come face to face with your own mortality...

Be prepared to spend some time feeling for lumps and bumps after reading, is all I'm saying.

3.5 irregular moles out of 5.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

This story needed to be told, and Rebecca Skloot was absolutely up to the task. Henrietta Lacks died of cervical cancer decades ago, but her cells, taken without her knowledge or permission, have lived on in laboratories around the world ever since. Researchers have shot them into space and blown them up with nuclear bombs. Their production and sale has made millions of dollars, and caused billions of dollars in damage by contaminating other cell culture. Henrietta's family had no idea her cells lived on after her death - and Skloot expertly delves into the consequences of their finding out and the ethical issues that all human cell research presents.

I'm still donating my body to science, though. I'm definitely not getting into space any other way.

4 dividing cells out of 5 (so, 8 cells out of 10).