Tenth of December and Store of the Worlds: A Surreal Stories Twofer

 

I feel like the question authors dread the most is “where do you get your ideas?” because a) there’s not, like, a box somewhere and b) it always has this weird subtext of “tell us the secretsss please precious secretsss we wants to work from home too pleeeease.” Also, for tons of authors, it’s pretty obvious where they get their ideas: from the news, or from their lives, or from scanning the best-seller list. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – some of the most amazing books have their magic in the way the story is told, not necessarily the premise or plot twists.

But sometimes you just got to go to another place – you don’t want to read about sad suburbia or ripped-from-the-headlines mystery & crime or another goddamned paranormal romance. You want something ORIGINAL, baby! Something that will actually make you shake the book and say “where did you get these ideas you weird little fuckers?!”

For those moments, try George Saunders or the late, great Robert Sheckley. In Saunders’ 10^th of December, there are so many visions of an absurdist yet completely possible future America that I vacillated between being amused (“ha! Can you imagine?”) to terrified (“Oh god I can imagine…is this real life???”). I predictably loved the most ‘out-there’ stories, like “The Semplica Girl Diaries,” about a father trying to ‘keep up with the Jones’ and their living lawn ornaments.  The other tales, like the title story, were more realistic, but no less engrossing. Disappointment and failed potential and middle-class longing seemed to be big themes. Yet somehow I emerged un-depressed - Saunders has a way with words that can make you laugh through the tears.

Sheckley’s work has a similar sense of humor – he used his super-powered imagination to ask "what if?" and followed the trail wherever it took him. This was my first introduction to his work, and I’ll definitely be checking out more. He turns all of the stale conventions of science-fiction & fantasy on their heads in smart, witty stories about government sanctioned cat & mouse games and "land races," alien worlds with killer winds, well-intentioned but bumbling "first contact" teams, spaceships made of self-aware specialized components, resurrected soldiers...etc, etc, etc. The potential Twilight Zone scenarios go on & on. Sci-fi & speculative fiction can sometimes fall back on predictable tropes, but Sheckley feels sharp and fresh. For stories written in the 1950s, that's no small feat.

Saunders & Sheckley in 2016. Step into something new...with BOOKS! Doo doo doo DOO.

Tenth of December: 3.5 ml of Vivistif out of 5.

Store of the Worlds: 4 minutes in an alternate non-nuclear winter earth out of 5. 

Shadow and Bone & Siege and Storm: A Sexy Kick-Ass YA Twofer

A friend* sent me both these books, the first in Bardugo's Grisha Trilogy. I was more than a little over the whole "YA heroine in a dystopian world finds her inner strength and also there's a love trilogy and also Jennifer Lawrence could totally play her in the movie" - you know, that old chestnut. But I'm a sucker for a book with a map in the beginning, and a killer session with Rasputin by Boney M in Just Dance 2 had just gotten me a new high score, so I was open to a story set in an alternate reality best described as Tsarist Russia + witches. And lo -  I was rewarded. 

What I love about this series is that it's dark as shiiiiit. So much YA fiction doesn't have teeth (It took Harry Potter four books before a kid died - where's the fun in that?). Bardugo's Ravka is a messed up land ruled by a milquetoast King and a sexy and mysterious Grisha (basically a wizaaaaaard but sexier? Like, Manganiello stubble instead of a long grey beard? You got it) called the Darkling.  There's a literal rift across the country, in the form of the Unsea, an area of permanent darkness and man-eating monsters; and a metaphorical one, between the powerful Grisha army and the rest of the population, who both need & fear the Grishas' power. Enter the heroine, Alina Starkov. And yes, she's great and written with depth - but The Darkling is the star here, people. So much so that my only criticism is that the books lose some oomph when the story strays too far from the powerful commander-in-chief and his murky motives. 

I read both books in a weekend. I want more. Also CAPES, can capes come back in style? There are mad capes in these books.

In conclusion: Hunger Games? More like HUNGER LAMES. Books 1 & 2 of the Grisha trilogy: 4 dramatic cape swishes out of 5. 

*the friend works for MacMillan, who published these books. Thanks Claire! I need to disclose that? To the 20 people who read this blog? MOM I MADE IT I GOT A FREE BOOK! 

Jurassic Park & The Lost World: A Dinosaur Twofer

Jurassic Park might be the movie I have seen the most. I was 10 when it came out, and my dad took my brothers & me to see it and then hid in a bush on the way home and jumped out and scared us. Great parenting, Dad! Dr. Alan Grant was one of my first crushes (don’t panic, Indiana Jones-era Harrison Ford – you’ll always be #1. Apparently I like gruff older men who are frequently exasperated while wearing dusty fedoras....Paging Dr. Freud!). We got a VHS tape of the movie and played it every single day after school. My family quotes it constantly (Mom: “Finish your dinner.” Me: “Now you will eventually have DINOSAURS, on your dinosaur tour? Hmm?” Mom: *Cries silently and wonders where she went wrong*). I just had my bachelorette party and my bridesmaid designed Jurassic Park themed t-shirts for us all to wear, and, spoiler alert: my bridesmaids are going to walk down the aisle to the theme song (What? It’s PRETTY).

So when the movie was re-released in 3D IMAX, I was psyched to see it on the big screen again. It did not disappoint! Haters to the left. My mom says I read the book when it came out, which would have made me 7 (?!). Did I understand ANYTHING ABOUT IT? What a weird kid. Anyway, 20 years later, enthralled once again, I decided to re-read the book and the sequel, The Lost World.

Lessons learned:

• Movie Alan Grant is way better than book Alan Grant. Book Dr. Grant actually LIKES children. Terrible. 
• There's an awesome T.Rex river chase that never made it to the big screen - probably because actually seeing the T.Rex dog paddling makes it look cute instead of scary? Too bad.
• The book is less scary, though, overall. My theory is that dinosaur names are too nerdy on the page: "The dilophosaurus attacked!" Oooooh I'm sooooo scaaaaared. "The razor teeth terror beast attacked!" *shits pants, cries, puts book in freezer*
• In both the novel & the book, Ellie is the coolest and consistently shows the men in the room what the hell is up.  I want to be a paleobotanist!*
• The Lost World is pretty much just Jurassic Park, again, on a different island. NOT COMPLAINING.
• Michael Crichton can't write children - the ones in both books are one-dimensional plot devices. "Oh no we've lost little Billy! Time to move from plot point A to B!" And scene.

I am regretting reviewing these books. They're neither bad, nor good - they simply are (Jurassic Park). Okay, they're probably not great - but they are a million times better than anything Dan Brown ever wrote, paleontogists > symbologists 4EVA. 

Jurassic Park: 4 Dodgson's out of 5.

The Lost World: 3 Goldblum cackles out of 5.

*You're right - I just want to look good in short shorts. 

American Vampire Vol. 1 & 2 - a Bloody Books Twofer

This graphic novel series is begging to be made into an HBO show. True Blood x Deadwood + Boardwalk Empire/Girls. Okay, maybe not that last one, unless vol. 3 is set in 21st century Brooklyn. Actually, how has no one done a hipster vampire show yet? That's my idea now, I call dibs.

Skinner Sweet is a wild west outlaw who becomes the 'American Vampire' - the first of a new breed, he can walk in the sunlight, and he sure as hell doesn't glitter when he does. Vampires have had a reputation problem over the past few years. Remember when they were scary? Before Twilight turned them into players in a weird pro-abstinence teen romance? This series goes a long way to undoing that damage and reclaiming the idea of a vampire as something terrifying & grotesque. No one is swooning over Skinner Sweet, I promise.*

4 super-sized orders of garlic bread out of 5.

*And if you read them and find that you are, you need to look at your life. Look at your choices! Girl. *smh*

The Help and Mockingjay - a Books with Birds on the Covers Twofer

So you'd *think* that these books have nothing in common. One is the final book in a trilogy about an emo girl with badass archery skills fighting an evil government, the other is about...holy crap as I am writing this I realize it's about an emo girl with badass writing (interviewing?) skills fighting an evil social system. My system of pairing books together based on the animals on their covers WORKS.

Anyway, the battle against the evil social system that was segregation in Mississippi in the 1960s was definitely the more compelling of the two. The Hunger Games trilogy could not have ended on more of a whimper. One of the evil forces Katniss had to fight against was black goo. GOO. Goo doesn't have the villainous charisma of a pudgy bigoted socialite like Hilly Holbrook. Anyway, read the first two Hunger Games books, spare yourself the last one which is fighting goo but mostly just sitting around like a whiny B saying "Gale, Peeta, Gale, Peeta". Read Battle Royale instead - now *that* was a book about high school students fighting each other to the death!

Oh, just see the movies when they come out.

Mockingjay: 1 sad-sack emo angst-filled teenage inner monologue out of 5 (except really 5 out of 5 of those because that is all the book is! But also, it's terrible. So, 1 out of 5).

The Help: 3 WASPY bridge parties out of 5.