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Double Down

No, not the sandwich you DOLT. Though I did become queasy several times during the experience, which I'd imagine is a quality the book shares with the Colonel's penultimate creation. My stomach flip-flopped every time the book described:

• Joe Biden swearing (that was a happy queasy though - the quease of joy)
• Donald Trump tweeting a vague reference to Obama's African birthplace 
• Mitt Romney furrowing his brow and wondering why the American people don't like him, like a reverse Sally Field*
• Meat Loaf performing at a GOP rally wearing a "sweat-soaked black poncho"

Unfortunately, the real quease and cheese of the 2012 elections was given short shrift in this non-fiction narrative. There was no mention of the workout pics mocked round the world; an unforgivable omission that I feel I need to share here in order to make things right:

"In retrospect, the hat was a mistake"

Rick Perry's brokeback moment was also passed over, as was Herman Cain's "I Am America" ad featuring cigarette smoke blown directly into the camera. Sure, we got the behind the scenes scoop on Newt's moon base and Clint Eastwood's ramblings with an empty chair,** but I craved more. Call it the Buzzfeed effect if you will, but I wanted list after list featuring hits like "Michelle Bachmann's top stress-fueled eye twitches." And hey, I'm all about skewering both sides. I would have also accepted "5 shady political ads that straight-up accuse Mitt Romney of murdering people" or "10 times Uncle Joe put his entire foot and most of one leg in his mouth."

Maybe it's because the 2008 elections felt more like a triumph, and the 2012 elections more like a slog. For everyone - obviously my political leanings are evident, but neither side really shined in 2012. It was as mendacious and mean-spirited as an episode of House of Cards. All I wanted was more of the absurd and amusing, because the actual day-by-day was too depressing.

Halperin & Heilemann are still great writers and their insider access is unparalleled, so it's not as if the story wasn't told well. For me, it just turned out to be a story I didn't really feel like revisiting all that much.

3 regal whinnies from Rafalca out of 5.

*Reverse Sally Field may also be a figure skating move; I think the gold medalist at Sochi nailed one 
**Fun fact: he didn't prepare at all and came up with that ten minutes before going on stage, inspired by a Neil Diamond song. Level of fucks given = none.

Ancillary Justice

This book is like the best Star Trek set-up ever; minus the Star Trek. On the show(s), the crew would always blunder into some ongoing epic drama and proceed to stick their sweaty faces in, mucking up the works and making it all about THEM for 60 minutes. I mean, come on Kirk, did you not get enough attention as a child? For real.

Ann Leckie's crafted a unique novel; one that manages to be fast-paced and action-packed while still diving into complex philosophical issues. How will humanity change when technology allows for immortality? When AI makes our objects sentient? When an individual can be split among thousands of bodies? When AI reaches a certain threshold, what differentiates it from a human? Deep thoughts, yo.

i09 named it the best book of 2013, and it's definitely deserving of accolades. Lately I've appreciate novels that assume I'm smart enough to figure it out, and dive into their worlds without too much exposition or hand-holding. That definitely applies here, as from the first page we're immediately on Breq's quest for justice with her, and the back story is revealed in flashbacks over the course of the novel. I did find the gender swapping slightly confusing (in the Radch society, everyone is a "her" regardless of gender - unless I just missed the point and this is actually a lesbian space opera, in which case, even better), but I appreciate the attention to detail that Leckie brought to her world.

So, if you like Star Trek but wish the episodes would delve more into the societal structures & struggles of the Gorn, the Borg, the Cardassians...etc - this book is for you.* Or if you just like kick-ass space quests.

4 androgynous, yet sexy, space jumpsuits out of 5.

As always, you can follow along with everything I'm reading here.

*Yes, I know this book is actually about humans, not aliens. You get my point. NERD!

We Interrupt These Book Reviews for a Mildly Interesting Announcement

Hi, friends. 2014 is the year of baring my SOUL to the internet, I guess, so I am now bringing you unfettered access to my reading life. I only share a fraction of the books I read every year on this blog, for various reasons - if I can't figure out how to sum up my feelings about a read, if I really don't have many feelings about a read, or, frankly, if I am embarrassed about a read, it doesn't end up on the blog.

But I do keep track of everything, because I'm a nerd and spreadsheets are my friends. So, if you want to see what I'm reading about that doesn't get featured, you can now follow along: Jane's Book Tracker. It's organized by year, so hit the tab(s) at the bottom to navigate.

New reviews coming soon.

An Analysis of the Books I Read in 2013 aka Nerd Alert VI

Books read: 63

• Average # of books read/month: 5.25
• Non-fiction: 12 (19%)
• Fiction:  51 (81%)
• YA Fiction: 4 (6%)
• Books by male authors: 35 (55%)
• Books by female authors: 27 (43%)
• Disliked (0-2 out of 5): 14 (22%)
• Ambivalent about/sort of liked (2.5-3 out of 5): 13 (20%)
• Actively enjoyed (3.5-5 out of 5): 36 (57%)
• Re-reads: 5

By Genre:

• Sci-Fi/Fantasy: 10
• Apocalyptic/Post-Apocalypse/Dystopia: 7
• Horror: 9
• Graphic novels: 3
• Mystery/Thriller: 8
• Poetry: 0
• Historical Fiction: 0
• Western: 1
• Short story collections/Anthologies: 4
• Contemporary fiction: 2
• Politics: 0
• Science/Medical: 1
• History: 0
• Humor: 2
• True Crime: 0
• Religion: 0
• Psychology: 0
• Biography/Autobiography/Memoir: 4
• Classics: 0
• Romance/Shitty Erotica: 2

Books that got a Perfect Score:

• Them by Jon Ronson
• The Age of Miracles by Karen Walker Thompson
• Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
• As I Am by Patricia Neal
• The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

Compared to 2012:

• 5 more books read than last year! Aiming for at least 70 in 2014. What else am I going to do, have a baby?! LAY OFF, MOM! 
• I read way less non-fiction this year, but the true stories I did pick up I really enjoyed. Quality over quantity? 
• I read twice as much YA fiction - which truthfully makes less & less sense as a category these days. I've read YA stories that were much more sophisticated than the average novel "for adults," and plenty of contemporary novels explore the rich themes of adolescence. Basically, what I'm saying is: don't label me, man! I reject your box! Fight the patriarchy & save the whales. 
• I disliked way more books - womp womp. But I had a lot of 5s & 4.5s as well, many of them unexpected. What surprised me this year was how much I didn't like some books that got rave reviews & hype, like The Shining Girls & Divergent. Can't everybody just love the books that I love? Where is the three-movie adaptation of Lonesome Dove starring Jennifer Lawrence as Lorena and Zac Efron as Jake Spoon?* 
• I re-read a ton of books this year. I turned 30 and sought out the comforts of my past. And/or I was just a little lazy. 
• This is truly a year befitting of a nerd alert: I mostly read genre fiction. If you don't have a dragon, I'm not interested. Fun fact: that was also my pick-up line in college. HEY-OH!

Notes & Superlatives:

• Repeated authors: Jon Ronson, Scott Lynch, Michael Crichton, Leigh Bardugo, Stephen King. Should Stephen King just get some sort of Repeated Author Emeritus status so I don't have to keep repeating him? Michael Crichton's were all re-reads, because I saw Jurassic Park when it came back into theaters and DINOSAURS. 
• Authors I discovered this year and will be checking out further: Scott Lynch**, Leigh Bardugo, Kate Atkinson, Adam Johnston, & Robert Sheckley. I got my eyes on you, people! Don't disappoint me. Well, Sheckley is dead...but the rest of you - PRODUCE.
• Favorite book of 2013 (Fiction): Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry. A beautiful & epic doorstop of a novel. Someone please make me a t-shirt that says "Gus McCrae is my Homeboy" so I can honor this wonderful masterwork the only way my generation knows how: a pre-shrunk poly-cotton blend. Very close runner-up would be The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnston. If Lonesome Dove is the Great American Novel, we can call it the Great North Korean Novel (Dear Leader may object, but tough beans).
• Favorite book of 2013 (Non-Fiction): Them by Jon Ronson. Jon Ronson could write about the history of the loom*** and it would be fascinating, so it's no surprise he wrote an interesting book about people who think the world is run by disguised lizard people, among other oddballs. 
• Least Favorite book of 2013: R.L. Stine, let's go back to Fear Street, far far away from the laughable evil ghost Irish laser-eyed children of Red Rain. The sex scenes you wrote in this, your first and hopefully last book for adults, were deeply uncomfortable. I truly hated this book, the recipient of the sole 0 rating I gave all year. Let us never speak of it again.
• Most Fun Book of 2013: The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch. Capers! Cons! Derring-do! SO much derring done. This book has everything: hybrid fruits, sexy shark fighters, and false mustaches.  Everything. 
• Author I read in 2013 that I Most Want to Hang Out With: Patricia Neal, please come back to life and call me up. We can dish about G. Coops and that asshole Roald Dahl, and we can drink dry martinis and you can tell me funny stories about your early days in theatre (pronounced "the-ah-TUH," naturally). You are a delight.
• Saddest book of 2013: Wave, by Sonali Deraniyagala. The kind of sad story that is almost unfathomable to process. Kiss your loved ones right this minute. Honorable mention goes to the story "Last Contact" by Stephen Baxter, because it came out of nowhere and floored me with the feels. 
• Scariest book of 2013: None of the myriad horror books I read or re-read this year really creeped me out. And TWO of them involved torturing/murdering little kids! What's wrong with me? I'm on a list somewhere, aren't I? Anyway, instead of those logical choices, the story I keep coming back to is "Law of Survival," by Nancy Kress. There was something so deeply unsettling about her tale of mysterious, unknowable alien invaders and their demands of the protagonist and her charges. Aliens, dude. I want to believe...but I don't, you know? 

I am about to embark on a trip that involves roughly 50 hours of plane travel, so I will do my best to tear away from the in-flight entertainment (they have ALL of the Toy Story movies on demand! I am a child) and chomp into the first books I have queued up for 2014. Every year I write this wrap-up and I remember the experiences I had reading and it's amazing how rich they are - I remember discussions I had about the books, feelings & memories they brought up, ideas they sparked, and even where I was and what was happening in my life when I read certain passages. I truly cannot imagine a life without reading, and I can honestly say that people who get by without it puzzle and confound me. So here's hoping for dozens of indelible experiences in 2014, each one a signpost helping to fix a fleeting moment. Take a look, it's in a book. Seriously. It's ALL IN A BOOK, PEOPLE. ALL OF IT. 

Cheers & luvs. 

*This would make a billion dollars! Why is no one making this? 

**I love you, Locke Lamora. Oh my god: another character to be played by Zac Efron! I have mentioned Zac Efron too much, haven't I? Noted.

***Don't worry, I looked it up and I am now aware that the history of the loom is actually mildly interesting. Stop writing your angry emails. 

Mother. Wife. Sister. Human. Warrior. Falcon. Yardstick. Turban. Cabbage.

If you call Twitter "The Twitter" unironically, you probably have no idea who Rob Delaney is.* If you tweet, or have loved ones who do, you have probably read, retweeted, faved, hugged, molested, laser cut, or put into escrow one of his hilarious tweets.**

He was in especially fine form during the 2012 elections, when he tormented Mitt Romney incessantly. Glory days! That's when I started following him, and he's proven to be a delicious creamy middle between the depressing low of real-life news twitter accounts (I've never been more informed or horrified) and the uncomfortable yet oddly hilarious highs of super absurd weird twitter. He's funny, and weird, don't get me wrong - but he also feels like a real person you could have over for dinner without fearing for your life/sanity.

If I like something I generally like more of that same thing (I currently have a 3.5lb bag of sour patch kids in my kitchen), so, surprise, I loved the book. It's basically a memoir, and Delaney has had some epic misadventures. Almost dying via acts of youthful stupidity is a common theme, and provides a nice counter-point to the more serious but no less compelling stories about his struggles with mental illness and his alcoholism.

Also,  I can honestly say I have never before laughed out loud at a story involving a drowned baby. So, there's that.

4 unflattering green speedos out of 5.

*And if you call it "The Twitter" ironically, you are the worst. 

**I've told my mom these are all things you can do to tweets. Sometimes I like to confuse her. "Honey, how do I hug one of your tweets?" I'm a bad person, she is lovely. 

SPEED ROUND: Dawn, The Nao of Brown, No Proper Lady, N0S4A2, The Shining, and The Collector

I'm still here! Don't you. Forget about me. Don't don't don't don't. Stuff your stockings with these lil' reviews.

Dawn by Octavia Butler. Original and thoughtful - if you enjoy your sci-fi devoid of laser guns, you might like it. In many ways it's a meditation on what makes us human. Is it our minds? Our genes? The presence of other humans? Also includes some freaky-deaky alien/human sex-like stuff, if that's your thing...yeah, we've ALL seen your browsing history! J'accuse! 3 gropey tentacles out of 5.

 

The Nao of Brown by Glyn Dillon. Another thoughtful one - a graphic novel focused on a young woman named Nao as she struggles with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and explores her Buddhist faith. It's so easy to rip through graphic novels in one sitting; this one made me slow down a bit. The artwork is gorgeous as well. 4 existential appliances out of 5.

No Proper Lady by Isabel Cooper. Thank you, beloved e-reader, for allowing me to read this without sharing that mortifying cover art to the world. Because girl needs a new tattoo artist and a better weave, mmakay? This one is fun, though slightly disorienting - you're about three sentences in before demons! Time travel! Spells! Just roll with it. It's basically the plot of Terminator but with more sexyness (I know, how is that even possible?! And yet). 3 terrible boardwalk henna tattoos out of 5.

N0S4A2 by Joe Hill. Vampires not included. But that's okay - I didn't enjoy this as much as Hill's other works but the creep factor was still out of control. No blood suckers needed. I felt it lost a little momentum, and could have used some editing; especially around the third act. But you will never look at Christmas or vintage gas masks the same way again. Joe Hill, must you creepify everything I hold dear?! 3 vanity license plates guaranteed to get you pulled over out of 5.

The Shining by Stephen King. Since I read Dr.Sleep I decided it was time for a re-read. What more is there to say about this gem - if you've only seen the movie you know NOTHING, Jon Snow. Not in any way my favorite King novel, but the ending especially is so different from Kubrick's film it's absolutely worth reading. Also you will FINALLY understand that creepy scene with the dude in the dog suit. Like his son (↑), King ruins so many wonderful things in his novels. Read this one if you want to be frightened of topiary animals and those concrete tube things at playgrounds. You should probably stay out of those tubes, anyway - you're a grown man, for God's sake! 4 drinks with Lloyd out of 5.

The Collector by John Fowles. If you only read one "Lady kidnapped and kept like a weird pet" novel this year....read another one! Probably Room by Emma Donoghue. This one is ostensibly a classic but it's so detailed and has all these meditations on class differences in Britain that go on, and on - you're the one who will end up feeling trapped! Ba-doom-pssh. 1.5 basement apartments out of 5.






More new reviews coming soon! Won't you buy someone a book this holiday season, and give a librarian their wings? That's right - we can fly. Deal with it.