Tenth of December and Store of the Worlds: A Surreal Stories Twofer

 

I feel like the question authors dread the most is “where do you get your ideas?” because a) there’s not, like, a box somewhere and b) it always has this weird subtext of “tell us the secretsss please precious secretsss we wants to work from home too pleeeease.” Also, for tons of authors, it’s pretty obvious where they get their ideas: from the news, or from their lives, or from scanning the best-seller list. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – some of the most amazing books have their magic in the way the story is told, not necessarily the premise or plot twists.

But sometimes you just got to go to another place – you don’t want to read about sad suburbia or ripped-from-the-headlines mystery & crime or another goddamned paranormal romance. You want something ORIGINAL, baby! Something that will actually make you shake the book and say “where did you get these ideas you weird little fuckers?!”

For those moments, try George Saunders or the late, great Robert Sheckley. In Saunders’ 10^th of December, there are so many visions of an absurdist yet completely possible future America that I vacillated between being amused (“ha! Can you imagine?”) to terrified (“Oh god I can imagine…is this real life???”). I predictably loved the most ‘out-there’ stories, like “The Semplica Girl Diaries,” about a father trying to ‘keep up with the Jones’ and their living lawn ornaments.  The other tales, like the title story, were more realistic, but no less engrossing. Disappointment and failed potential and middle-class longing seemed to be big themes. Yet somehow I emerged un-depressed - Saunders has a way with words that can make you laugh through the tears.

Sheckley’s work has a similar sense of humor – he used his super-powered imagination to ask "what if?" and followed the trail wherever it took him. This was my first introduction to his work, and I’ll definitely be checking out more. He turns all of the stale conventions of science-fiction & fantasy on their heads in smart, witty stories about government sanctioned cat & mouse games and "land races," alien worlds with killer winds, well-intentioned but bumbling "first contact" teams, spaceships made of self-aware specialized components, resurrected soldiers...etc, etc, etc. The potential Twilight Zone scenarios go on & on. Sci-fi & speculative fiction can sometimes fall back on predictable tropes, but Sheckley feels sharp and fresh. For stories written in the 1950s, that's no small feat.

Saunders & Sheckley in 2016. Step into something new...with BOOKS! Doo doo doo DOO.

Tenth of December: 3.5 ml of Vivistif out of 5.

Store of the Worlds: 4 minutes in an alternate non-nuclear winter earth out of 5. 

Welcome to Night Vale

Let's call this the "See Jane Listen" edition of the blog. Welcome to Night Vale is a podcast, but it's produced by a publishing house, so technically we're all in the clear here.

I'm only a few episodes in to the twice-monthly podcast that started in June, so if it jumps the shark 20 eps in or is revealed to be another weird Kanye marketing tie-in, don't hold this review against me. But so far - I'm into it.

It's presented as broadcasts from the local radio station a not-so-sleepy small town. The creators have described Night Vale as "a little desert town where all the conspiracy theories are true." It doesn't seem to phase the voice of the program, Cecil, who describes community bake sales & strange glowing gas clouds that rain dead animals with equal aplomb and bemusement. He only seems to get flustered when talking about the mysterious scientist, Carlos, who arrives in town with perfect hair, weird instruments, and a tendency to say things like "there's no time!" before running away. I think someone has a crush!

It has some Buffy-esque humor to it, so maybe Night Vale's secret is that it's on top of another Hellmouth. Sunnydale - Night Vale - Sunnydale - Night Vale...hmm. Throw another one on the conspiracy pile!

4 mysterious hooded figures out of 5. Do not look at the mysterious hooded figures.

UPDATE as of 10.01.2013: I stopped listening. So downgrading to 2.5/5. It was fun while it lasted. Listening < Reading. I am curious though, did Cecil ever snag Carlos?!

SPEED REVIEWS: Kitchen, Sharp Objects, Red Rain, Dare Me, and One Day

Yes, I'm still reading. I read with my coffee in the morning, I read on the train to work, I (attempt to) read while eating sloppy sandwiches from the food truck by work for lunch, and I read before I go to bed - more than once I have read up to the point where I fall asleep and the book falls and hits me in the nose. Yeah - I'm *pretty* cool.

But I've been silent because I haven't read anything amazing/terrible enough to muster up more than a few sentences about. So - drumroll - REVIEW SPEED ROUND!



Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto: Woah, woah, woah - you're telling me someone named Banana wrote a book described as "whimsical" and "quirky" by reviewers? Wonders never cease. I can't help but think that something was lost in translation with this one. But I did get my daily dose of potassium while reading it! BANANA JOKE. Bet she's never heard that one before. 2 terrible fruit puns out of 5.



Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn: I love me some G.Flynn. She's like Law & Order: SVU crossed with a Tana French novel. Dark & twisted and with something to say, but with a dash of tabloid flavor. Also Ice T is a minor character.* The only thing I'll say about this one is that the big reveal was pretty obvious if you've seen enough episodes of the aforementioned L&O series. Hey, we've come full circle! 3.5 cameos by Coco-T out of 5.



Red Rain by R.L. Stine: This. Book. Was. Awful. When I complained to my friend Lauren her response was "R.L. Stine isn't a talented author?!" - touché. Horror writers who actually write books (good ones!) for adults gave this good reviews/blurbs on the cover, so I was suckered in. Maybe Stine used the profits from Say Cheese and Die! to buy the good press? This is the worst book I've read in awhile but I can only write so many words about how it's about freaking ancient Irish zombie children who want to "rule the school" and burn people with laser heat eyes. There, I spoiled it for you. You're welcome. 0 uncomfortable sex scenes written by an old dude who used to write children's books out of 5.**



Dare Me by Megan Abbott: I enjoyed this one. It's about cheerleaders and the weird cults of personality that develop so easily in high school. Normally I would have filed this under the sad suburbia label and ignored it, but the cheerleading angle prompted me to give it a second look. Definitely disturbing though - this ain't Bring it On, bitch. 3.5 flawless back tucks out of 5.



One Day by David Nicholls: This book is very...British. I recently saw this Bestie x Bestie on "What's Wrong with Books?" and Jenny Slate's monologue kept coming to mind as I was ping-ponging between Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew. Even their names - so British! They dance around each other for 20 years and we get to check in on them on the same day every year. A bit gimmicky. Just read a frickin' Dilbert and go to sleep! Sing it, Jenny. Also they made this into a movie with Anne Hathaway; I'm not a Hathahater but picturing her in my head as a "plump, bespectacled frumpy English maid with dreams of being a writer" probably did NOT help me enjoy the book. 2 St.Swithin's day scones out of 5.

So that's what I've been up to, pals. Thankfully I am now reading the new Jon Ronson and it's wonderful and making me think & feel and laugh. There are no laser eyes. I can't wait to tell you about it. Stay tuned!

*False. But can you imagine?! *Opens notebook, furiously starts scribbling. You look over - it's just gibberish.*

**Warning: it actually does contain one such sex scene. The girl's skin is described as "creamy white" several times. My childhood is ruined.

LoveStar

It's another take on that old chestnut: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall helplessly in love. Circumstances wrench them apart, and he must fight to get her back.

Except in this case the "circumstances" involve a genetics program that matches everyone on earth with their true love (1 in 5 people gets matched with someone from China), created by a corporate genius scientist who also invented a funeral system called LoveDeath that sends your body into space and has you re-enter the atmosphere at a pre-approved time & location so your loved ones can watch you burn up like a shooting star - oh also people can communicate wirelessly because he discovered that's what birds do (?) and they are genetically engineering real-live Mickey Mouses (Mice?) to take the place of cats & dogs, and also giant wolves with zippers in their stomachs! Oh, man.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's not really that old chestnut. It is a new, genetically engineered weirdo chestnut with, like, spikes and stuff, and it's one of the most original things I have read in awhile. Iceland, what are you guys smoking over there? And can I get some?

4 pretty shooting stars that are actually dead, frozen corpses out of 5

The Call

I love this book. Get it and read it. The end.

Oh, fine.

Exhibit A: Farm animals and rural vet stuff. I don't know about you, but I love to read about people who have jobs that I find simultaneously amazing and horrifyingly gross. I don't have it in me to reach into a goat and pull out her kid - but by God I want to read about it.

Exhibit B: A non-threatening spaceship. None of this Independence Day "Welcome to Urf" tentacles and world domination stuff - just pleasant blinking lights. Oh, it's not a spoiler, this isn't shelved in the sci-fi section, calm yourself.

Exhibit C: A contemporary fiction book that isn't all sad people doing sad things. A first-person, journal-style contemporary fiction book that isn't sad people doing sad things! Wonders never cease.

4.5 ruptured cow uteruses (uteri?) out of 5. Ick that's so violent. How about, 4.5 friendly spacemen out of 5. Much better.