Wool

Much like its namesake fabric, I overall think Wool is pretty great. It's got a kick-ass/take names female protagonist. She is not a sexy teen, romantic angst is not her raison d'etre, and she is good with a wrench. Stoic Power Dream Girl? Howey's dystopia is richly imagined and gets more disturbing and claustrophobic with every detail. ALSO, there are a lot of stairs in the world of Wool, and I swear that just reading so much about people walking up & down them actually made my glutes *slightly* tighter (I want to believe!). There are tons of original ideas in the novel, and I felt like I was reading a new writer with a brain chock full o' fresh - Hallelujah.

But you know how it is - you get a cozy wool sweater, you bundle up in it, and halfway through the day the itching begins. This book definitely had a few itchy spots. Unfortunately, this is a book that's all about the plot and action and twists - and most of my issues were with said twists. So, through the MAGIC of contrasting colors, I present to you some secret text. If you've read the book, highlight below for my spoilery complaints:

[The kids in the second silo?! First of all, they were willing to murder Solo but then came along quietly when Juliette spoke sternly to them? Nope.

Why make Bernard into this grand evil character/super villain, and then deny us the pleasure of seeing him get his come-uppance? I know the twist at the end wouldn't work with the readers knowing it was Bernard and not Lukas, but that didn't play for me either - why would Bernard try to leave the blanket anyway? Was he committing suicide? It doesn't make sense that he would murder anyone who tried to interfere without a thought, but then just lose the will to live when caught & challenged.

Also, the romance. It felt pretty shoe-horned in. I'd have rather had Lukas be Juliette's estranged brother, or maybe a female friend she makes...the book didn't need a star-crossed lovers motif. I'm always incredulous when people fall in love, to the point of risking their lives for each other, via a couple deep conversations and lingering glances. My heart is made of stone and I like it that way - and yes, I think The Notebook is a bad movie. DEAL WITH IT.]

If you've haven't read the book, should you? I'm leaning toward yes - I'll be picking up the next in the series and hoping that Howey keeps getting better & better. I think the world he created is fascinating, and I'd love to see some novels set in it that focus more on the day-to-day of the inhabitants, and maybe the mysteries of their past, vs. political conspiracies & military action. The stage is set, he just needs the right play.

3 stairmasters set to EXTREME out of 5.

The Lies of Locke Lamora

You know those tumblrs that are mash-ups of Game of Thrones with lines from other TV shows? Arrested Westeros is obviously the best. Others are somehow less than the sum of their parts. This book is like if someone made an amazing Game of Thrones x Ocean's 11 tumblr (A Song of Heist & Fire? That's a freebie; go for it), but, surprise! the tumblr is actually a great fantasy novel with a terrible cover. As you can see.

But inside! You got your lovable band of con-men tricksters, your mysterious villains, your sexy shark-fighting ladies, your sky-high towers made of alien glass, and capers oh so many capers and cons and heists. It's so fun. It should be made into a movie, or, better yet, an HBO miniseries (so hot right now) so we can all spend more time with Locke Lamora and his lovable cabal of mischievous orphan tricksters, The Gentlemen Bastards. That last part sounds pretty cheesy but I promise you, no one breaks into song, and Scott Lynch throws in plenty of swear words and blood & guts.

The world-building is fantastic, just enough detail without overwhelming. I almost wished I knew more about the setting, a Venice-like city called Camorr full of alchemical gardens & floating markets. They have cinnamon lemons there - how good would cinnamon lemonade be? Hey, if there's a nerd out there reading this, please throw a Gentlemen Bastards party with themed food and invite me (I'm nerdy enough to attend, but not host, such gatherings).

Lynch also borrows from the George R.R. Martin school of fuckery and "things that cause readers to yell at your book" at a few points. A great book giveth, and a great book taketh away.

5 cool, refreshing glasses of nerd-brewed cinnamon lemonade out of 5.

Shadow and Bone & Siege and Storm: A Sexy Kick-Ass YA Twofer

A friend* sent me both these books, the first in Bardugo's Grisha Trilogy. I was more than a little over the whole "YA heroine in a dystopian world finds her inner strength and also there's a love trilogy and also Jennifer Lawrence could totally play her in the movie" - you know, that old chestnut. But I'm a sucker for a book with a map in the beginning, and a killer session with Rasputin by Boney M in Just Dance 2 had just gotten me a new high score, so I was open to a story set in an alternate reality best described as Tsarist Russia + witches. And lo -  I was rewarded. 

What I love about this series is that it's dark as shiiiiit. So much YA fiction doesn't have teeth (It took Harry Potter four books before a kid died - where's the fun in that?). Bardugo's Ravka is a messed up land ruled by a milquetoast King and a sexy and mysterious Grisha (basically a wizaaaaaard but sexier? Like, Manganiello stubble instead of a long grey beard? You got it) called the Darkling.  There's a literal rift across the country, in the form of the Unsea, an area of permanent darkness and man-eating monsters; and a metaphorical one, between the powerful Grisha army and the rest of the population, who both need & fear the Grishas' power. Enter the heroine, Alina Starkov. And yes, she's great and written with depth - but The Darkling is the star here, people. So much so that my only criticism is that the books lose some oomph when the story strays too far from the powerful commander-in-chief and his murky motives. 

I read both books in a weekend. I want more. Also CAPES, can capes come back in style? There are mad capes in these books.

In conclusion: Hunger Games? More like HUNGER LAMES. Books 1 & 2 of the Grisha trilogy: 4 dramatic cape swishes out of 5. 

*the friend works for MacMillan, who published these books. Thanks Claire! I need to disclose that? To the 20 people who read this blog? MOM I MADE IT I GOT A FREE BOOK! 

LoveStar

It's another take on that old chestnut: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall helplessly in love. Circumstances wrench them apart, and he must fight to get her back.

Except in this case the "circumstances" involve a genetics program that matches everyone on earth with their true love (1 in 5 people gets matched with someone from China), created by a corporate genius scientist who also invented a funeral system called LoveDeath that sends your body into space and has you re-enter the atmosphere at a pre-approved time & location so your loved ones can watch you burn up like a shooting star - oh also people can communicate wirelessly because he discovered that's what birds do (?) and they are genetically engineering real-live Mickey Mouses (Mice?) to take the place of cats & dogs, and also giant wolves with zippers in their stomachs! Oh, man.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's not really that old chestnut. It is a new, genetically engineered weirdo chestnut with, like, spikes and stuff, and it's one of the most original things I have read in awhile. Iceland, what are you guys smoking over there? And can I get some?

4 pretty shooting stars that are actually dead, frozen corpses out of 5

Ready Player One

This is a book perfect for gaming nerds, and I really enjoyed it - despite being TOO nerdy for it. See, I never played the adventure, shoot 'em up, wizard & dragon games. My favorite computer game was Civilization. Yes - you could spend the game waging war and taking over the earth, which I suppose would be pretty badass. I say "suppose" because I always preferred to win using SCIENCE and become the first civilization to reach Alpha Centauri. I WAS SUCH A GODDAMNED NERD.

Anyway, I have friends now and I have kissed a boy, so it's fine. And my lack of experience with 80s arcade staples and dice-based adventures did not diminish my enjoyment of Ready Player One. It's set in a dystopian future where everyone spends most of their time plugged into a massive online role-playing game. When the eccentric, 80s-obssesed creator dies, he wills his vast fortune and control of the game to whoever can first solve a series of clues that will lead them to three challenges, three keys, and three gates.

My only complaint is a pretty literal deus ex machina that pops up near the end - but by that time you're already casting the inevitable movie version of the story* so I guess I'll allow it.

4 epic Rush guitar solos out of 5.

*Wade = Donald Glover , Art3mis = Lena Dunham, Sorrento = Willem Dafoe. Are you telling me you wouldn't watch that movie? Exactly.